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Long flights can be rather unpleasant for us Corporate Road Warriors.
Sure you plan to catch up on your sleep and read that book you never finished but there are so many distractions like people talking loudly. It’s always one or two people on the whole plane (first class or economy – there is always one in the crowd) who start up these conversations with anyone who will listen. All you have to do is look their way and once they catch your eye – you’re done.
They like to talk about how many business trips they have taken and how they don’t believe in Skype or Twitter or that Facebook thing and how China and India are taking over the world and why the economy tanked and how they would run the country - any country - better than anyone else.
Meanwhile the average, innocent Corporate Road Warrior just wants to be left alone. You can appreciate that a long flight is a break from all of the noise in your life. You don’t have to go to the bank or get the car washed or drop the kids off at basket weaving or pick up your dry cleaning. You don’t have to sit in traffic and yell out loud in your car at a person you don’t know because they suddenly pulled in front of you when there was very little space in the lane – no nod, no thank you wave.
You don’t have that argument with your spouse that tends to take place first thing in the AM when you are both grouchy and rushing off to work and are in a disagreement about who should take the dog out and who should pick up groceries for dinner and why on earth one of you made plans for dinner on Saturday night with that couple you really did not want to have dinner with or why you agreed to have dinner with your parents on Sunday night when the kids have broom ball practice and your spouse wanted to relax at home and watch re-runs of The Family Guy (and I just said "dinner" 4 times - nope actually now it's 5).
But long flights for Corporate Road Warriors are not all about escapism. There are some really serious factors to deal with and so it’s best to be prepared.
So now we have come to the part of the post where we talk about Halitosis. This is not meant in bad taste or to offend anyone. Think of it as one of those information cards on those racks at the pharmacy that you read while waiting for your prescription.
Halitosis is the proper term for bad breath to the extreme. Now if you are stuck sitting next to someone with bad breath, here is a list of the ….
TOP 5 THINGS TO DO WHEN THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU ON A LONG FLIGHT HAS HALITOSIS:
5 5. Offer them a piece of gum.
4 4. Offer them a mint.
3. Keep offering them all sorts of menthol until they break down and say yes because people with Halitosis somehow have no idea they have it and they are the last ones to accept gum or mints whereas people with above average breath will always accept gum or mints – probably because they are more likely to conduct the breath test (hand covering mouth, blow into hand, smell).
2. Pull out a book and hold it close to your face and if they interrupt your reading tell them you must finish the book before the flight is up because you will be tested on it when you land by a person who quizzes people on the books they claim to have read and then they get caught having skipped a few pages here and there because how many of us read an entire book without skipping at least a paragraph when the writer is just going on and on about Halitosis?
AND THE # 1 THING TO DO WHEN THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU ON A FLIGHT HAS HALITOSIS:
1. Ask the stewardess for a blanket and then explain to the "Custodian of Halitosis" that you can
only sleep with a blanket over your head. It has something to do with your childhood and although you
have been in therapy for 20 years, you still haven’t figured it out.
Eventually the plane will land and you will walk out of the airport into the fresh air. You’ll board the bus that takes you to your rental car, you’ll pack up, drive off with the A/C on or the window open or both and you’ll arrive at your hotel where you will check in and settle down in your room.
You’ll shower and head down to the bar in the lobby for a drink and some finger food. You’ll start up a conversation (because it's perfectly fine to do so at the hotel bar as opposed to the plane from which you cannot walk away) with someone who is also drinking and eating alone. They'll talk to you about their internet company and you will be enthralled by what they have to say because you will realize that you may be changing careers at some point in your life and haven’t quite kept up with the whole Social Media thing.
And then it will happen.
You won’t see it coming.
The internet tycoon turns to you and asks:
“Would you like a piece of gum?”
Voyages Groupe Ideal – Ideal Travel
We take care of Corporate Road Warriors – We take care of You
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